Today's blog post is from a guest, Sheila Henry a psychotherapist who not only advocates for happiness but demonstrates how to start getting to your happy core by learning to change. She also is a lover of dogs and recognizes how animals can be therapeutic in our happiness quest.
How to Happily Embrace Change
Embrace Change in Your Life
Change is a very good thing! Routines and status quo in your life can leave you feeling stuck, so changing your daily routine in a small way or setting out to accomplish something even bigger (like a new career) can give your life new meaning with new challenges to overcome. Change stimulates the brain and can actually make you feel quite happy and good, as long as you are not the type to be shocked and surprised by changes in your life.
Why Do We Fear Change?
Most people have something (or many things) in their life that they would like to change, but, they feel powerless. They may even think that they just can’t do it so why even try. And others just feel tremendous fear about what a change will mean in their life.
Many experience difficulty making permanent life changes. For example, you may want to initiate a change in your life by adding a daily exercise routine. So, you excitedly join a gym, and go for a bit, then come up with excuses. We know we should do it, we wanted it to happen, but, we can’t stick to the change we are trying to make.
Getting Started with Change
If you are really serious about making a change in your life, ask yourself what do you need in your life to make it happen? Be honest with yourself and practical in your answer and really give it a lot of thought.
Once you have your list, set reasonable goals, short and longer term that are actually achievable. Instead of just buying the gym membership, agree what days and times you will go and schedule them on your calendar like an appointment. Have consequences for yourself if you do not accomplish the schedule you have set. If you have sabotaged yourself before, be ready for how to counteract this if it happens again. Have a plan and be prepared.
Measuring Success
As you strive to accomplish your goals, paint a clear visual picture in your mind about what success looks like to you. What does it feel like in your body to have achieved the goals? How will you act? What will others say to you and about you? Be as detailed as possible, and write it in a journal so you can reinforce the vision.
A Job Well Done
Be sure to celebrate all milestones along the way. You can decide what rewards are deserved at what level. A short term goal for working out at the gym a certain number of days per week may be that after 1 month you buy yourself new workout clothes. When you lose 10 pounds, take yourself to your favorite healthy restaurant! It’s up to you, but, be sure to write it down as part of your plan.
Finally, and most importantly, you must feel the change NOW! If you’ve wanted to lose weight so that you can buy a sexy dress, buy that dress now. Meditate (or use self-hypnosis) on having that desired body. Feel the new you in your body as you start carrying yourself with more pride and a feeling of success. Start living your life as if you’ve already reached your goal. This is the only way you will get there and you'll be happy you did.
WHAT'S THAT ONE CHANGE YOU REALLY NEED TO MAKE?
Sheila Henry is a marriage and family therapist in San Diego. She has had a private practice for over 25 years. She helps clients identify goals, recognize obstacles that impede reaching their goals and activate a plan for success. See if Sheila can help you CREATE MORE HAPPINESS
"Travel more extensively", "Begun my business sooner”, "Made peace with my father", " Sold more paintings", "Worked less, and played more," "Stayed in school and got a degree”, "Followed my heart”, "Volunteered more”, "Not let others make up my mind”, "Taken more chances with my career”, "Been more adventurous”, "Ended my marriage sooner,” "Stayed together and worked it out”, "Exercised more”,"Managed my finances better”.
These were the comments several people shared when I posed this question at a recent conference. “If you could go back and change one aspect of your life that would've brought you more joy what would it be?”
Most of those in attendance had been through 4 or more decades of their lives and had some definite ideas about what they would change. Many also realized it is never too late to seek something you hold dear.
While we can't always redeem a broken relationship or start activities we may not have the physical capacity to do, there is really little we cannot accomplish if we seek our joy.
In life, joy is critical and the need to experience what makes you smile and feel fulfilled can be the anchor of your day. Once you realize your joy can have a domino effect on other things and people the better EVERYTHING in your life will be. Regardless of your current situation, making some attempt daily to participate in what brings you joy is the secret of life. You may make excuses why you are not able, but everyone who wants to achieve something which brings them joy is able to start down that path if they really want to. Sometimes it takes making a hard but necessary decision to stop and change directions. Sometimes it means putting yourself first without guilt. Sometimes it means to make a commitment and stick to it and sometimes it means to do it because you can regardless of what others say or think.
Your joy is your joy and to really live life you must seek it and share it.
So, what do I wish I would've done?
1. Published more books and earlier in my career.
2. Stopped obsessing about whether my house, kids, relationships, etc. looked like others thought they should.
3.Continued singing in a band!
4.Taken a mission trip
And yes, I am working to achieve those things. Kay Warren, wife of renown pastor, Rick Warren of Saddleback Church says that we must "Choose joy" and certainly it is a choice. Often we let the trivia of everyday life block our joy. We become frustrated and disappointed that we have spent yet another day just going through the motions. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to say, "Nothing, I would not have changed a thing!" when we come to the end of our lives. We can. We have a chance to start today.
Discovering your joy, what makes you smile, what you enjoy doing regardless of the effort or cost helps define the place you are destined to be." So many people wonder what their purpose is, when their joy might easily demonstrate that. Joy might be the biggest fuel for your fire.
If you really want to make a difference in the world, make a difference in your life first. Find your joy and begin to celebrate it.
If you could change one aspect in your life what would it be?
What brings you joy?
Want to join a tribe of trailblazers who found their fire? Come visit me at KathyBrunner and sign up for the newsletter and to be part of the team.
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